these currents have caught up with me

moving around
i’m hardly in one place
like the currents in the ocean
being pulled by gravity 
towards the nearest 
force of nature
but i don’t feel lost 
only hyper aware of where i am
completely conscious that i’m being pulled out to sea
the riptide with its hands on me

and i’m drowning but i’m used to the feeling 
i like being suffocated 
not having to speak 
the fishes all staring down sympathetically
as i blink up accepting my defeat

as quickly as i am fading
i surface again, coughing up salt water
the deep relinquishing it’s control
over my useless form 
like it’s playing a game
placing a bet with some nameless being
that i will be back
rolling the dicey waves
my gut sinks
because i know i will be.