the melatonin isn’t working

"why aren't you asleep?"
and i answer
"my dreams don't give me any relief."

i lay awake sifting through
the memories in my mind
raking around my neuro zen garden
pushing pebbles as i blink at the ceiling

instead of cultivating peace
harsh recollections scrape over
my brain as if my tiny rake was
made up of chalk and my
cerebral sand is a dusty blackboard

screeeeeetch ————
remember that one time
you were mad at her and said things
you didn't mean?
"BAD"
all caps in powder white
oh and when you accidentally
ghosted him after a bad day
and felt too guilty about it to
text back and apologize?
"RUDE"

the chalk scratches on
and the voice in my head insists
"just one more lesson before bed."