stomach bile

when i think of you
my stomach turns to soup
a liquid concrete being swirled
around like a washing machine
“i love him so much i want to vomit.”
hannah said
and the sentiment is shared

sometimes when i’m sick
i vomit and then i feel better
what tonic will bring it out of me?
“i think i need something stronger.”
i say at the bar
the man looks with pity
as i’m sitting pretty
propped up on a stool

the only thing that needs to leave my system
are the words i don’t say to you anymore
paragraphs in my head
when i’m alone
all it takes from a stranger is a simple
“how are you?”
and it comes heaved out like stomach bile

laughing at myself
i wipe my mouth with the back of my hand as if we had just shared some funny joke
but the only joke is my role in the feeble story i’m telling
the irony of it all
you see the only reason why i’m sick in the first place
is because i have been poisoning myself from the beginning