the chasm

i am not present in my body
if i was i would have to 
feel the tightness in my chest 
the hollow sound of my heart beating
i beg it to skip a couple
instead i deal with the endlessness
the vast chasm of futility that
i am meant to fill with my own spirit
turning water into wine 
but water it remains 
the trickle at the bottom of my bloodstream
i am not here i am
floating far away
haunting the graves of my former lives
i built around sickly loves 
i have left my body behind
the look in my eyes a swinging
“do not disturb” sign.